*Update*

Januarry 15, 2007

Alright... well I've read all of your responces... ALL OF THEM! That includes yours... mister I don't keep my nose out of things that aren't my issues... mister tranquil... whom you rather.. geez.
As for my life... and the days that have passed... I don't know hom many times I have cried... my eyes are starting to hurt now. All I feel though.. is an empty void.... of dreams that seem to be out of reach... and constant reminders of how long and hard my journey is ahead. I truly believe that not everyone can be happy at the same time... but everyone can be happy sometimes.... in one's life. I think now.. it's my turn to be sad... hopefully somewhere in the world... someone can find their happiness... and with that... maybe I can at least make the pain lessen. I even cried at work.... and a good friend told me... "I wish I could tell you... that it gets better from here... but if I said that.. I'd be lying". When I heard that.. I knew... that whatever I find in my life... only I can find it. That's all. End... begin... nothing seems to really... differ. I'm starting to realize.. how small my life is. How these hands... can't reach much... But even still... I have hope. That's probably why... it hurts... more and more. I realize how fragile my heart is... how I seem to amount to nothing much... and how... even when I struggle... to make a difference... that nothing seems to change. It hasn't sunk it yet I guess... I can't even be independant here....and yet... I can hope... someday... all the things I hope to do.. all the places... I hope to travel to... I will be able to do one day... when I can stand on my own two feet... I want to do it for myself... If I could at least have something stable... I'd trust in it... not everyhting handed... but something to fall back on... I can't go to B.C... in the hopes that everything will turn out alright... because hope is nice... but reality cuts worse than anything... good and bad. I have learned that the hard way... as have you Ben... and everyone else reading. I can cry... nothing will change... I can pray... nothing will change... all I can do... is focus on the here and now... do what I can... and hope that I will love myself more... and try.. to really think I am worth it. Everyone tells me I'm loved... and I know I am by some... I just need to start loving myself... I guess... sometimes... I really do hate myself... sometimes I wake up... and just want to smash the mirror that reflects my insecurities... my doubts... my saddness.... the masks... that I have.... I hope to pick up the pieces... and find me... as I am.. without all that conditioning... maybe one day I'll be able to do it all.... but I feel helpless... like in a raft drifting.... with no land in site... just waiting... My life... where is this raft taking me..... even I don't know anymore.... and these tears... I can't stop them... like I used to when I was younger... I remember when I could be void of those emotions... when I could... just close myself off... but now it's harder... now that I understand what it means to love... and what it means.. to feel that pain and hurt... I just hope... I can be stronger.... and that the future will hold better events.... where tears of saddness will turn to tears of joy... and happiness... I love you all... so very much... I thank you all.... very much.... but until I can do something... until I can love myself... and get on my own two feet.... I am just drifting... on the vast ocean of life... to where land is but only a faint hope....


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:Ideas For Next Pictures

*Note times for the images to be made may vary due to work and stuff. No particular order... I'm currently working on all of them bit by bit.*

1. Final Fantasy IX Manga (constantly being worked on)
2. Suikoden Winter Scene (drawn/inked/no color) Slowly
3. Chrono Cross Image x2 (1 drawn/inked)
4. Tasuki (drawn)
5. Lavi image (drawn/inked/colored)Needs BG
6. Road image (na)
7. Thank you image(done)

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~Great Friends/Artists~
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